1 month down

A month ago I started my antibiotic treatment for a bacteria I knew nothing about. Mycobacterium Abscessus, which is a non-tuberculosis strain of mycobacterium that comes from contaminated water or soil. I first grew it out in January 2012, since they only grow out bacteria using this specific test one time a year. Who knows when exactly I first actually grew it. I could have gotten it anytime between January 2012 and January 2011 since they do this test when I go in for my annual birth month checkup.

For the past month my routine has been to take my antibiotics at night. I usually do my IV antibiotic at 8pm and take my oral antibiotics at bedtime with the rest of my pills. I have only gotten nauseated a few times over the past month, and the worst was last night. I had to take anti-nausea medication that pretty much knocked me out. I am starting to get worn out. I am not sure if it is due to being on 3 antibiotics or if it is the bacteria growing in my lungs. At the end of the day I am out of energy, at the end of the week I cant get enough rest before starting the week over on Monday. I am not a morning person anymore. It is hard to wake up in the mornings. I get tired midday to where I almost need a nap everyday.

This has been the hardest year yet. I am being tested around every corner. My anxiety and stress level is at an all time high. Part of the reason is that the antibiotics I am on react with anti-anxiety meds, so I am not on them anymore.

The biggest obstacle I have right now is work. I have always worked, since high school I have had a job. I don’t like the thought of cutting my hours, I don’t like the thought of cutting my pay, but I definitely don’t like the thought of my health going down because I don’t do these things. I have to work to get health insurance, and I have to work to pay my bills and remain independent. I don’t like the thought of being dependent on anyone, its just not who I am. I know it might happen some day due to my CF, but I want to remain independent as long as possible. It might seem crazy but just thinking about it makes me depressed. It’s a mental thing I can’t get past. I am trying to work through it on my own, but need support from friends and family. The hard part is most people don’t know what I'm going through and it’s hard for people to put themselves in my shoes. When you can’t do that, it’s hard to give advice.

Mom and Roger brought over the elliptical machine so I can start using it and working out. I know that working out will help eliminate some of that stress, and eventually I hope it improves my health as well.

On a side note, Amanda and I are still working out our details on our joint birthday party we are going to throw. Not exactly sure what we are going to do yet, but some ideas are karaoke, bowling, dinner, concert, etc. Will have to figure it out soon so we can send out invitations.