A month ago I started my antibiotic treatment for a bacteria
I knew nothing about. Mycobacterium Abscessus, which is a non-tuberculosis
strain of mycobacterium that comes from contaminated water or soil. I first
grew it out in January 2012, since they only grow out bacteria using this
specific test one time a year. Who knows when exactly I first actually grew it.
I could have gotten it anytime between January 2012 and January 2011 since they
do this test when I go in for my annual birth month checkup.
For the past month my routine has been to take my
antibiotics at night. I usually do my IV antibiotic at 8pm and take my oral
antibiotics at bedtime with the rest of my pills. I have only gotten nauseated
a few times over the past month, and the worst was last night. I had to take
anti-nausea medication that pretty much knocked me out. I am starting to get
worn out. I am not sure if it is due to being on 3 antibiotics or if it is the
bacteria growing in my lungs. At the end of the day I am out of energy, at the
end of the week I cant get enough rest before starting the week over on Monday.
I am not a morning person anymore. It is hard to wake up in the mornings. I get
tired midday to where I almost need a nap everyday.
This has been the hardest year yet. I am being tested around
every corner. My anxiety and stress level is at an all time high. Part of the
reason is that the antibiotics I am on react with anti-anxiety meds, so I am
not on them anymore.
The biggest obstacle I have right now is work. I have always
worked, since high school I have had a job. I don’t like the thought of cutting
my hours, I don’t like the thought of cutting my pay, but I definitely don’t
like the thought of my health going down because I don’t do these things. I
have to work to get health insurance, and I have to work to pay my bills and
remain independent. I don’t like the thought of being dependent on anyone, its
just not who I am. I know it might happen some day due to my CF, but I want to
remain independent as long as possible. It might seem crazy but just thinking
about it makes me depressed. It’s a mental thing I can’t get past. I am trying
to work through it on my own, but need support from friends and family. The
hard part is most people don’t know what I'm going through and it’s hard for
people to put themselves in my shoes. When you can’t do that, it’s hard to give
advice.
Mom and Roger brought over the elliptical machine so I can
start using it and working out. I know that working out will help eliminate
some of that stress, and eventually I hope it improves my health as well.
On a side note, Amanda and I are still working out our
details on our joint birthday party we are going to throw. Not exactly sure
what we are going to do yet, but some ideas are karaoke, bowling, dinner,
concert, etc. Will have to figure it out soon so we can send out invitations.
